This Writing Moment

NaNoWriMo Screen Shot, Nov. 15, 2019.

It is possible that I’ve never been this far behind. I just clocked 16,077 words. I’m supposed to have over 25,000 words.  I am 9,000 words behind.  I can get stuck on the behind part. 

But, I’ve written over 16,000 words.  Words that did not exist on Oct. 31.  Beautiful words, awful words, wrong words, right words, misspelled words, typos, beautiful similes, forgotten vocabulary that has shown up in my character's mouth.  Words.  

I’m not even counting the poems I’ve written, the postcards I’ve written, the posts I’ve written.  

Here, in this writing moment, I’m creating a new world, a character I love with a wicked sense of humor that I think is actually showing up on the page (I don’t often write funny though that’s been a goal of mine).  I’m just showing up to write every day and letting the words come. 

It will be a mess.  

But there is so much joy in this writing moment. In getting these words on the page, in the morning, in the evening, in between chores, in between renovations, in between grief and rage.  

That is all there is--this moment, today, to write.  I do not have to worry about tomorrow or November 30. I’m just focusing on showing up today and learning more about my characters by throwing obstacles in front of them.  

And today, I’ve had a very good writing day. 

What’s Working: Licking the Wounds

Just as a tree's wounds get separated from the body of the tree and protected by thickened bark, so too do the wounds your character has get protected as they grow.  Part of your job as a writer is to take your characters on a process of healing (or not) their wounds so they can either move forward, self-destruct, or continue acting in ways that the reader will find compelling. Image copyright Lori Gravley. 

If you’ve spent any time in therapy, you know that most of us who’ve made it past toddlerhood have survived mostly intact, but with some emotional scars that show up at inopportune times: a fight with your partner, your child’s bad decisions, a work project that frustrates you, a driver ahead of you on a two-lane road.  

These scars become wounds, sensitivities close to the surface or deeply hidden, that become hidden drivers of our behavior.  

A character arc is generally the path the character takes to recognize and resolve the wounds that childhood, past relationships, and the background you’ve given the character have created for that character.  A character in a romance, for example, may start the novel unable to trust someone in a relationship. The character meets someone who makes them want to try but then your character’s past or future goals get in the way of being able to commit to a relationship, even if the character wants to.  Through a series of plot developments and pressure from the world of your novel and other characters, your character has to face her wounds so that she can end up happy at the end of the novel.  

I’ve just finished Silver Borne by Patricia Briggs, and though it is Book 5 in the series, Mercy Thompson is still working on the wounds that make it hard for her to feel completely connected to an individual or completely connected to a community.  

Personal Pressure: The beginning of the novel finds Mercy choosing not to share her concerns about her former love and current roommate/friend’s state as a werewolf whose wolf is taking over.  

Community Pressure: She’s in a relationship with the pack Alpha, and their relationship continues to be strained by members of the pack who don’t trust/like Mercy since she’s a coyote shifter and not a werewolf.  

Both of these pressures are activating her deepest wound, the belief that she doesn’t belong and that if people love her they will eventually be destroyed because of that love.  

Towards the climax of the novel, this wound is actually given a visual metaphor as a rope that has been frayed, cut, and broken and has been inexpertly mended. 

During the denouement/atonement of the novel, this same connection is seen as a beautiful, shimmering, solid golden rope with no evidence of previous damage.  

The steps both Mercy and her community take heal Mercy’s wounds, heal her community as well (at-one-ment as Joseph Campbell calls it). 

I’m skipping over some important plot points here as I don’t want to spoil this delightful read for you, but hopefully, you get the message.  Your character’s past has given him or her disordered ways of living in the world and interacting with others.  Your characters don’t need therapists to heal their wounds though, they have you.  

You can find a lot more information on exploring your character’s wounds at K.M. Weiland’s Site: Helping Writers Become Authors and in her book Creating Character Arcs.

Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi’s book, The Emotional Wound Thesaurus, is another helpful reference.  

If you get stuck moving your story forward, think about what you need to do to move your character forward and it might give you some story momentum to speed you into Week 2 of NaNoWriMo.  

What’s Working: Beat It

 

Beat cards based on Romancing the Beat. Image copyright Lori Gravley.

Okay, so I’m back to working on my original NaNo project.  I like the characters, I love their voices, and I’m interested in seeing where they’ll take me. My Wild Things revision will have to wait until December or at least until I've replaced the ceiling in the kitchen. 

The thing is, I did not plan this novel out and pantsing doesn’t work for me.  When I write by the seat of my pants, the novel seems too much of a mess to even consider revising.  

But even though I still don’t have a plan, I’m not really pantsing.  For revisions, I’ve created several decks of index cards to help guide me through character arcs and beats. Using the work of a number of authors who discuss beats, I’ve got cards that I link to my plot points.  I have another set of cards that look at character arc. 

For this novel, so far, I’ve been working through my romance beats. Using my beat cards to hit the main plot beats.  I write a beat and then I let it take me along for a few thousand words, and then I look at the next beat card.  

It’s working so far.  If you’ve never heard of beats, you might check out the screenwriting book, Save the Cat by Blake Snyder. It’s one of the first books where a screenwriter shared tips for creating scripts that hit all the high points of movie making. Writers like C.S. Lakin (12 Key Pillars) and Jessica Brody (Save the Cat Writes a Novel) have taken the screenwriting beats and adapted them to fiction.  Gwen Hayes (Romancing the Beat) has taken the basic beats and applied them to romance.  

If you are a pantser and want to bring a little bit of structure to your writing or if you're a pantser and you're feeling stuck, you might check out beats.  You'll find a simplified discussion over at Storyfix.com.

Today, I start on my Young Adult Romance Beat #4, No Way #1.  My notes about this beat say

• ·     H1 (the female main character) explains out loud or internally why she will not fall in love, not now, not ever but especially with H2 (the love interest).
• ·     They both protest too much.  

So, H1’s POV scene has her committing to her current path that doesn’t include love.  Often the love interest POV scene (if you have dual POVs) will include a recognition that H1is the girl (or guy) for him (or her).  But it will also show the reader how this character’s wounds and H1s wounds are going to cause problems for their relationship as it progresses. 

If you don’t know what I mean by wounds, stay tuned. I’ll talk about wounds a little later. 

I hope your words are flowing whether they are flowing from you like a river or being directed by you in some way by your planning. The joy of writing, especially at this point in your story, is often discovering things about your character you didn’t really expect.  

Have fun. Take joy. Write when you can. Progress, not perfection. 

Gang Aft Aglay and other Voices I Hear in My Head

Old kitchens have many layers. 

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

gang aft aglay. 

                            “To a Mouse” by Robert Burns

A good translation of the title of today’s post would be, go often astray. Maybe you’ve heard the quote before, as I have, as the “best laid plans.”  Either way, it’s in my head today, with a strong Scottish burr, because that darn kitchen put a bit of a wrench in my plans. 

And now, it’s 5 p.m., and I have not written a word today. 

Last night, we filled the truck with construction debris. I have more cabinets to dismantle, so we needed to go to the landfill when it opened this morning at 7:30 a.m. Then we had to load yard waste; then I needed a shower and breakfast.  Holy, moly, one thing after another, but the good news is that most of the demolition is done.  The bad news is I think I’m going to have to take the ceiling down and put a new one in.  

But, I don’t have to do that in the mornings.  I can do that in the afternoons, taking a writing break when my back gets too sore.  

And, to my credit, I’m sitting down to write now, so there’s that.  There was a time in my life where if I’d missed some goal at a set time I would get so down on myself that I would throw my hands in the air and not do anything:  all or nothing syndrome.  

Now, even if I miss goals, I look for ways that I can make progress on whatever I’m working towards.  There’s another useful slogan for this: progress not perfection.  

I’ll close with some Southern wisdom: Tomorrow is another day (Scarlett O’Hara). 

Old kitchens have so many layers. 

I hope you meet your goals today even if you don’t meet them in exactly the way you wanted to. 

Missing Mojo

 

Gonna try and rattle some bones and get my mojo back this week.  Photo copyright Lori Gravley. 

Writing about a writer’s block is better than not writing at all.

–Charles Bukowski

In a week and a half, I’ll be getting a new kitchen.  But first I have to move my kitchen into a small space, pack away lots of extra stuff, demolish the old kitchen, and paint the walls down to a bare white canvas. 

Yeesh, why did I plan this for November?  

But honestly, this wouldn’t be a problem most years.  I’d make writing my priority and the other stuff would get done in my spare time. Now, the sun is down, and I haven’t yet written a single word. 

It has nothing to do with the stupid kitchen or my failed marriage, or the shingles virus that is still making me feel uncomfortable in my skin.  

It has to do with my missing mojo.  I’m just not feeling it. I haven’t felt it all year.  I feel like I’m just phoning it in without really feeling committed. And, insert favorite expletive(s) here, I’m tired of feeling this way.  

I know that sitting down to work even when I’m not feeling it is one way to invite the magic back. Honestly, I don’t believe in writer’s block, but I think that what I have had this year is writer’s block.  

Which is just an easier way to say this:

·     I’ve worked too much this year as I’ve tried to get myself into good financial shape for my impending dissolution. 

·     I’ve had low-level depression this year as I’ve grieved but not been able to truly move beyond my 28-year marriage. 

·     My support system has been weakened by all the travel I’ve done this year.  I’ve only been in town for 14 of the past 44 weeks. Some of the travel has been personal, but much of it has been work, and some of that work has been conducting training solo, which means I’m alone in the evenings.  That can be nice, but this year it’s been difficult. 

·      I have worked very hard at my writing for the past eight years, and I don’t have much to show for it.  I’m feeling frustrated by the limitations of traditional publishing, but I’m also not sure I want to branch out into self-publishing. 

So, this low writing energy makes sense, but I’m not going through this whole month complaining every day about how hard it is to write.  To combat this writer's block I'm going to implement some new habits this week to see if I can find some joy. 

Routines, exercise, and limiting social media are three frequent recommendations for overcoming writer’s block, so I’ve taken those suggestions and put them into this week's plan.  

1.  I’m going to solidify my morning routine and add an hour and a half of writing to it. Here’s what I do in the morning: coffee, journal, yoga, meditate, get dressed.  For the next week, that routine will be coffee, journal, yoga, meditate, write for 1.5 hours, get dressed.

2.  I’m going to spend at least 15 minutes each day working on a new Pinterest board for the new novel and the new world. 

3.  I will not get on Instagram or Facebook until after lunch or 12pm, whichever is later. 

4.  I will take a short walk after lunch (and an hour of social media) and then I will come back and write for another hour.  

5.  Writing comes first, chores come later.  

6.  I will make a reward chart and track my successes in the above on paper.  

7.  I will listen to the voices in my head. I think I’ve got some hidden critics making it through into my writing time, so I’ll try to shine a little light on them this week, so I can respond to them appropriately. 

I’ll let you know how I do next Sunday.  Oh, and another note about how to overcome writer’s block.  Choose a different project and work on that for a little while.  I’ve been doing that already this week.  Thank you for joining me.  

Now, time to write.  

Doubts and Decisions

Piles and piles of drafts, copyright Lori Gravley

I planned a new romance in early October, got my characters down, laid out my primary beats. I was ready for NaNo early because I had to travel beginning on Oct. 16.  

Then, I had time to think, and a new world began to form in my head.  A series of novels that would fit more readily in line with my brand for young people--interesting characters, a vivid world--ohhh, exciting.  So, I did some character development and decided I’d just pants a little with my beat cards (the note cards I have the describe each of the beats in general, I’ll talk about these in a later post).  

Last night was kick off, and . . . I wrote 1300 words.

Every single word felt like a struggle.  I went to sleep asking why. I often do this as sleep gives me answers that I sometimes can't find in the bustle of awakeness.  

When I woke up this morning, I realized it’s because though I love to write new things, love to create new characters and worlds, what I really need to do this year is to tend the old ones.  

In the past ten years, I have written: 

• twenty-five picture books

• one chapter book

• four poetry chapbooks.

• two full-length poetry collections

• one verse memoir

• two medieval mysteries for middle grade (in a series)

• two adult romances (with an entire world and possibilities for more)

• two paranormal mid-grade novels (in a four-book series)

• two stand-alone middle-grade contemporary novels

• a book about putting a poetry collection together

• a book of essays on writing

• a memoir about marriage

I have revised some of these projects upwards of forty times. I have sent them out sporadically, but still:

• I do not have an agent. 

• I do not have a book in the world. 

• I do not have a contract for a book. 

I woke up knowing that my plans for this month needed to change.  My world and my characters won’t go away, but writing my 41^st book wasn’t actually going to move my career forward.  

And I do want a career in writing.  I love the rush of energy that comes from creating a new world, it’s that post-partum joy of being a new mother that is such a rush.  But if I just keep pushing these babies out without helping them grow to adulthood, I’m doing my darlings and myself a disservice.  So, I’m announcing right now that this year, I’m a rebel.  

I will rewrite the book that I’ve been trying to rewrite for a year, Wild Things.  It’s a book I love and that I think might have a place in the MG contemporary market.  As a reward, I’ve told my world and characters that I will give them January and February to come alive in this world. 

After all, I’ll need something to do while I’m sitting around waiting to hear from agents about Wild Things.  

Writing Amid the Chaos

Image copyright Lori Gravley

2019 has been a difficult year.  A young man I considered a third son died at the end of 2018. A friendship that I thought would last a lifetime ended painfully.  My marriage of 28 years gave its last gasp. My dog is dying. My mother’s Alzheimer’s has become so apparent even she admits she might need some help. My younger son has made some difficult and painful choices on his journey to adulthood. Yep, suckity for sure.  

Many of the difficulties are still in flux. I live in a 128-square-foot trailer that was once my office behind the beautiful 1880s farmhouse that I’ve worked hard to make a home but that we’ll be selling in the new year. We’re filing the dissolution papers in the new year for financial reasons even though it’s painful to have to interact and just seems to be prolonging the suffering. My son’s choices still haven’t resolved themselves. My dog is dying slowly, and while I’m glad to still have her companionship, it's difficult to see her suffer.  

But my word for 2019 is flourish, and, you know what, in many ways, I am. I’ve almost completed a new professional credential.  I’ve sent my work into the world. My writing is stronger than it has ever been. I love my vintage trailer, and this year I bought a van. Next year, I’ll live part-time in my trailer on my mom’s property, helping my stepfather care for her; part-time in hotel rooms for work; and part-time in a 21-foot Ram Promaster that has been made into a beautiful Winnebago RV. My tiny dreams are coming true in interesting ways. I am hurting. I am grieving. But I am flourishing. 

This year will be my eleventh NaNo and my tenth win.  I’ve built a new young adult world and made some interesting plans for this year’s novel, and I have an outline for another adult romance that I’ll draft in 2020 (I was prepared early, but then I changed my mind and decided to write YA instead).  The trick or treaters are knocking on the door, and I’m still working on my beats, but that’s okay.  I’ll wake up tomorrow, plan some, write some, downsize and pack a little more, and snuggle with my puppy.  

Really, I’m always writing in the middle of some sort of chaos.  But aren’t we all.  When I first participated in NaNo, my son was twelve.  I wrote while my husband was in Iraq.  I wrote through our first separation. I wrote when my older son and his then-girlfriend (now wife) moved to town for college and grad school.  

Someone said to me a couple of weeks ago, “There are other months you can write novels in.”  And I do write all year long, but I love the wonderful collective energy that is NaNoWriMo, and I welcome this creative collective as a still point in the middle of my shifting world. 

I hope you will, too. There will always be reasons not to write.  There will always be unfavorable external circumstances, but that’s one thing I’ve learned from NaNo, it doesn’t matter what’s happening on the outside, I can create stillness inside of my daily writing practice.